Facing feelings

I’ve started and discarded several posts since my last, finding it difficult to land on a focus. Current events, on a national and global scale, as well as the everyday events of my own life have me feeling scattered and stretched thin.

Overall, I am good. I am healthy. I feel like most of my work is in service to others, which fills me up and gives me purpose.

I’m driving home this weekend to say goodbye to my childhood home. We moved there when I was in kindergarten and it’s where I grew up. I’m glad for the new direction my mom’s life is taking, but I can’t deny there are some feelings of loss and nostalgia tied in with that. I’m working on processing those. I let myself have a good cry the other night, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

Additionally, I have found a therapist and I’m excited to start working with her in September. Coaching has been an amazing journey, helping me to uncover all kinds of ways I’ve been holding myself back. Interestingly, coaching was even more powerful for me than Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was in my last go-round with a therapist because my coaches helped me not only see my distorted thought patterns but also get to a point where I felt secure enough that I actually wanted to examine the source of those patterns. I never had the chance to do that with my previous therapist.

When I felt like I had come up against some sources with my coach, I realized that I was actually in a place of grief. I recognized that I needed to come to terms with a few things, go through a grieving process, and try to heal, which is not really what coaches are for. So I decided it was time to resume therapy. Only this time I feel much clearer about my goals. I knew exactly the type of therapist I needed to seek out. I’m not going to ward off depression like I have previously. It’s strange–it feels like I am psychologically healthy enough that I can actually confront some things long buried and not get buried by them, if that makes sense.

So I wanted to be honest about that with anyone still checking in on this blog. I’m really, really excited for this new relationship and curious about where it will lead. I’m also a little scared, but as I mentioned in a previous post, because I learned how to trust myself, I feel like I can handle anything.

Wishing love and support to anyone reading. Some days I don’t know how I would face the world without my network.

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