Recently, I’ve been trying to wrestle/sit with some of my toughest, meanest, ugliest demons. The process is bringing up a lot of difficult feelings for me like sadness, anger, shame, fear, and grief. Sometimes I don’t know if I trust the process. I want the bad feelings to go away so I can return to the…… Continue reading Body hatred and ugly emotions

For me, procrastination happens in three contexts. Self-doubt and perfectionism are reigning high. I fear the attempt won’t match the imagined ideal. The task will be arduous or tedious, or the result is not imminent, so a good degree of patience is involved. The need for patience, mixed with difficulty and tedium, does not lead…… Continue reading Procrastination and its discontents

Striving for perfection separated me from myself. Anne Lamott offers some really powerful thinking about the effects of perfectionism on the self: “It will keep you very scared and restless your entire life if you do not awaken, and fight back, and if you’re an artist, it will destroy you.” “Oh my God, what if you wake…… Continue reading Wonderfully imperfect

I sensed that I was fighting against myself because once the hate and anger and self-loathing went away, I’d be forced to confront the raw, unedited me. I was afraid. What if I didn’t like her? What if other people didn’t like her? Without hate and anger, would there just be pain? Well, yes. There…… Continue reading Working against the original impulse

Or, Everyday Brilliance, Childhood, and a Holy Yes. At night, I read what you might call personal development or self-help books. Maybe they are spiritual books. Currently, when I first crawl underneath the sheets and prop my pillows up, what I’m doggedly keeping my eyes open for is my third Brené Brown book, Rising Strong. I…… Continue reading Memoirs in the morning

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the art of listening well. When I think back over all my past and current relationships–friendships and romantic–the closest and deepest were the ones in which both parties were able, more often than not, to put aside their own agendas and listen to the other. Friendships and…… Continue reading Listen well

Some call it letting your freak flag fly. Thoreau called it dancing to the beat of your own drummer. In the past, if someone told me to “just be yourself,” “be authentic,” or “be genuine,” I didn’t know what the heck any of that meant. I knew that there must be some version of Mallory…… Continue reading Dropping the mask

Dear readers, I’m so excited to announce that my dear friend Heather is going to be guest blogging on Conscious and Deliberate this week. Her post will be the first of hopefully several in 2017 as we prepare another, bigger collaboration behind the scenes, which should be unveiled this fall. (!!!) I met Heather in…… Continue reading Upcoming guest post

One of the great frustrations of my life has been that I am not immediately perfect at something when I first try it. Maybe you can relate. When I first try a new technique on my hair, like using a curling iron, and it doesn’t go well, so the curling iron goes back in the…… Continue reading To be a beginner