In barre3 class tonight, I felt horrible. Usually, barre3 makes me feel strong and energized. But not tonight. Something was off, and I didn’t know what. I fought my way through the class and made it to the final resting pose, impatient to get on my way and be alone. While we lay on our…… Continue reading Begin again

What I want for myself, more than anything, is to stop apologizing for who I am. I didn’t start to figure out who I am until I was in my very late 20s and only really started mining the core of it when I was 31. I learned, very young, how to perform and how…… Continue reading Don’t be sorry for who you are

I’m reading Rachel Hollis’s book Girl, Wash Your Face, and this post is inspired by her chapter on being judgmental and competitive–especially woman on woman. She starts the chapter by telling a story about how in high school she made fun of a girl who admitted to shaving her toes when she herself shaved her toes,…… Continue reading Being judgy

In the summer of 2013, when I first started running, I also did Jillian Michaels’ 90-Day Body Revolution video series. Thirty minutes every day of high-intensity circuit training, on an exercise mat, with free weights and a resistance band–just me, alone with Jillian, in my bedroom in our Georgetown basement apartment. Jillian shouted all kinds…… Continue reading Own your story

You don’t deserve that and no one’s going to like you or take you seriously.  These are mantras that kept me small, constrained, contained, and tight. Repeated and believed for long enough led to a boundless, bottomless daily depression that permeated every contour of my consciousness and convinced me I would need to learn to…… Continue reading Who are you to…? and other lies

Let’s harken back to a simpler time, March 2017 to be exact, the last three paragraphs of this post to be more exact. I told you that I knew self-doubt spirals were coming but that I also trusted my path. It’s all still true. I still trust my path. But the doubt is very real.…… Continue reading On doubt